Let me have my own way, Lord, let me have my own way.
You are the potter,  (but don't forget!) I am the clay.
Now mold me and make me - if it doesn't hurt too much or cramp my style.
While I am moving, forging ahead and motor mouth still.

I can still remember back to when I heard those words sung on a Focus on the Family broadcast. Joyce Landorf was talking about being in God's Waiting Room and how frustrating that it could be. I could not have been more than ten years old when this broadcast aired - yet this mocking little song made quite an impression on me! There have been many times when I heard these words in my head, reminding me to yield myself, again, to God.

I am currently in God's Waiting Room, wondering what the future holds for me in my job (or lack of), our family finances, our future here...

Fear begins to show it's ugly head. "What big changes are coming into my life?" I often wonder.

Although God never changes, it seems to be His plan for our lives to be changing constantly: changing the family picture by the addition or subtraction of children, spouses, parents, siblings... Changing the landscape by moving us to different homes, towns, or states. Changing the status of our health, jobs, relationships...

Our lives are always changing. - which seems ironic because most people are extremely uncomfortable with change! Perhaps it is the only way that God can keep us trusting in Him.

A couple of weeks ago, when I was searching through my notebooks looking for the poem about rocking babies, I came across a journal-type entry from another time that I was in God's waiting room. I needed God's direction and guidance then, and I had come across a few verses in Isaiah 30 that made me certain that that guidance would come. It even seemed to give two options for what I could do - wait quietly and patiently so that I could hear that still, small voice when it whispered in my ear, - - or not!

"Their strength [is] to sit still." vs. 7b KJV
"For thus says the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: 'In returning and rest you shall be saved; In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.' But you would not, " vs. 15
"Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, 'This is the way, walk in it,' Whenever you turn to the right hand or whenever you turn to the left." vs. 21

At that time in my life I decided to be quiet and listen. I spent some time in fasting and prayer until I received my guidance from the Lord. This is the prayer that I penned next to those verses in my notebook:
"Lord, I know that You will direct all my steps and that I must sit still and be quiet. Lord, forgive me for running around and talking and fretting and trying to figure out what is going to happen and trying to work things out by myself. Help me to place my confidence in you - I know that I cannot have peace until I do." "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace who's mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Trust ye in the Lord forever: for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength."Isa 26:3-4.

Right now in my current situation, God seems strangely silent.

I am tired of the waiting room! I want Him to pull me into His office and tell me what to do. "When will you tell me, Lord, when?" I keep saying to Him. Oddly enough, my pastor was preaching to me again this Sunday! He said that God often waits until the last possible moment to bring His deliverance - just so that we will know that it was His doing, not ours. My moment of desperation is getting close. Perhaps God is waiting for that moment so that He can show me what He is capable of.

To remind me that He cares.

That He still provides for my needs today just as he did for the people in the Bible.

To increase my faith.

Maybe He is not keeping silent - maybe He is waiting for just the right moment to sweep in and bring HIS victory! I just have to stay quiet now, listening to hear that voice whispering in my ear, "This is the way, walk in it."

Have thine own way, Lord, have thine own way.
Thou art the potter, I am the clay.
Now mold me and make me after Thy will.
While I am waiting, yielded and still.

I have really been struggling to write this month as you can see by my shortage of blog posts (only 1 in the whole month of April!) I guess that there are two reasons for that.

1. I have been really busy doing everything that I can think of  to get my daycare business up and running at this new house. I have been on the phone, on the computer, and on the run - all over the county. Since I have mentioned this before, you are aware of this struggle.

2. I hate whining. I don't like to see it in my children, and I don't like to see it in me - even though I am plenty good at it! I really wish that I were not. (Besides, you don't want to read whining! At least I wouldn't if I were you! You are too precious to me, dear friends, for me to annoy you with my whining.)

I sat down last week and started to write about how I feel that I am sitting in God's "waiting room" and how frustrating that it feels.

My writing was disjointed.

It was incomplete.

It was depressing.

I did not finish it and post it (obviously).

Although I probably will finish it and post it later because it still has some value (and which of us has not been in God's waiting room at one time or another), today I want to tell a different story.

This Sunday my wonderful husband stayed home with Tiny so that I could go to church. I have missed a lot of church this winter because of all of our illness so I was glad to get back. It  was a good thing that I was there, too, because the pastor was preaching right to me!*wink*

Our pastor can preach on a passage of scripture for weeks, squeezing every ounce of value out of each word and phrase in the passage and applying it to our everyday lives. This month he is in 2 Chronicles 20.

Jehoshaphat is one of the kings of Judah who loved God. At this time in his life, everything is going his way. It's all good. One day he finds out that the country will be attacked from a direction that is completely unexpected.

"Alarmed, Jehoshaphat resolved to inquire of the Lord, and he proclaimed a fast for all Judah. The people of Judah came together to seek help from the Lord; indeed, they came from every town in Judah to seek Him." (vs. 3)

The king had gotten bad advice before so he took this opportunity to re- solve that problem by going directly to God.

He begins to pray in the assembly, " O Lord, God of our fathers, are you not the God who is in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. Power and might  are in your hand, and no one can withstand you...(he "reminds" God of some of His history, then says)...We have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You." (vs 6, 12)

Suddenly, "...the Spirit of the Lord came upon Jahaziel...a Levite...as he stood in the assembly. He said: 'Listen, King Jehoshaphat... This is what the Lord says to you: Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is is not yours, but God's. Tomorrow march down against them...You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you... Jehoshaphat bowed with his face to the ground, and all the people of Judah and Jerusalem fell down in worship before the Lord." (vs. 14-18)

The next morning, they got ready to head into battle. Jehoshaphat rallied the troops and gave this speech, "Listen to me, Judah and people of Jerusalem! Have faith in the Lord your God and you will be upheld..."
Then he "...appointed men to sing to the Lord and to praise Him for the splendor of His holiness as they went out at the head of the army, saying:
'Give thanks to the Lord,
for His love endures forever.'"  (vs. 20-21)

Yes, I said singing.

Yes, I said in front of the army.

Then scripture tells us the most surprising thing:
"As they began to sing and praise, the Lord set ambushes against the men...who were invading Judah, and they were defeated... When the men of Judah came to the place that overlooks the desert and looked toward the vast army, they saw only dead bodies lying on the ground." (vs. 22, 24)

"Then, led by Jehoshaphat, all the men of Judah and Jerusalem returned joyfully to
Jerusalem, for the Lord had given them cause to rejoice over their enemies...and the kingdom of
Jehoshaphat was at peace, for his God had given him rest on every side." (vs. 27,30)

How does this apply to my situation?

I have been feeling as though we are in an unexpected battle. When we moved here, we had been given the idea that there was a NEED for daycare in this area. The last thing that we expected was to struggle with this. We are certain that God prepared this home for us and lined everything up for our move. He clearly has a plan for us here, but after six months of waiting we are also saying, "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You." 

Pastor John said, "This is not your battle, but you still have to put your armor on and show up." I feel like that is what I have done with my advertising, calling and posting.

But I am still waiting.

"I don't know what to do, but my eyes are on You."

Praying.

Suiting up and marching.

Now it is time to sing!

"Give thanks to the Lord,
for His love endures forever."

Who knows? Maybe as I SING the Lord will bring my deliverance...

http://tcwscc.com/resources.html

Today I was reading through an archived story on the Pioneer Woman website. This is what I read:

“... Susan is the mother of eleven children, and is a complete earth mother. She had her children over a period of probably fifteen years, and speaks about her experiences so effortlessly. Sometime during the Saturday event, I found myself sitting on the couch with her and listening to her talk about her years of having babies with a house full of small children. Never once did she groan or roll her eyes or talk about how taxing, difficult, or unmanageable it was. She just smiled and stated repeatedly that it was the most precious time of her life.


A couple of times during our conversation, I dabbed small tears from the corners of my eyes. Partly because I knew exactly what she meant. Partly because I remember the feeling of having infants, toddlers, and young children in the house at the same time. Partly because I miss getting my babies out of their cribs in the middle of the night and nursing them till they fell back asleep.” Ree Drumond


Reading this brought tears to my eyes. I have to admit, I needed to “hear” this today.  My one-year-old, youngest-of-six-children baby has been sleeping fitfully all week. He is restless. He stirs. He wants to nurse… and nurse… and nurse…

My eyes are red.

I have a bad attitude.

I am sick of having sickness in my house! Not only that, but as a Martha, I hate sitting on the couch watching my house fall apart!

I needed to be reminded that, not only will this pass, but it will pass more quickly than I would like… then there will come a night when I will wish that I had a plumpy baby who needed me to snuggle and nurse in the middle of the night. And I will wish that I could have put moments like these in the freezer so that I could pull them out and experience them again.

But I can’t.

When that day comes, I will feel it poignantly – those moments are truly gone – and I will mourn for them.

I only get right now to absorb these moments.

To drink them in.

To appreciate them for what they are.

Now is my chance. Only now. - - And I have the opportunity to choose whether I will savor them, or rush through them.

Whether I will complain about how difficult they feel, or treasure them for the value that they hold.

This is my last chance, and I want to make the most of it…



Song for a Fifth Child


Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth

empty the dustpan, poison the moth,

hang out the washing and butter the bread,

sew on a button and make up a bed.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?

She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.



Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue

(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due

(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew

and out in the yard there's a hullabaloo

but I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.

Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?

(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).



The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,

for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.
by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton