"Have you heard of 50 Shades of Grey?" the young, unmarried woman asked me. "A coworker got me started reading them and I can't put them down!" She proceeded to give me a synopsis of the content of the books.

I had heard of them - they were all the rage last summer and I had read several great blog postings by Christian women on the subject, so I was knowledgeable enough to engage in the conversation.

While listening to her recount the story of an emotionally damaged young man who made contracts with young women to allow him to use and abuse them, I began to frantically pray about how to respond. She blushed as she glossed over the abuse, then became animated as she spoke of the young woman who "saved" him from himself by requiring him to treat her with some level of dignity. The book apparently ends with the typical "they got married and lived happily ever after" type of an ending.

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"What happens in a couple of years when a baby comes along and sleep deprivation and lack of available 'couple' time sets in? What if he feels that she is no longer meeting his needs? That the relationship has become boring?" I asked.

I wanted to say, I hate to burst your bubble, sweetheart, but we women can never have enough feminine charms to save a man for good. He might like us enough to change for a while, but it cannot be lasting.  Becoming entangled with a man like that might make you feel like you made a difference, but it would be a victory short lived, and would be followed by a great deal of pain and difficulty. The only thing that could save a man like that is an encounter with God. It would take a complete heart transformation - nothing else would do!

(I know. How annoying to be logical when it feels better to be emotional. Sometimes I must play the devil's advocate and turn it all on it's head! I get it from my mother.)

"He is an adrenaline addict, so he would go right back to his former lifestyle." I added. "He would never be content with a 'vanilla' relationship."

Since that conversation, I've  thought more about this recurring theme:

Vanilla is not good.

I don't know when it became synonymous with all things bland, unexciting, boring...

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I love peaches but, let me tell you, I am not going to reach for mint chocolate chip ice cream or lemon meringue yogurt for my next peach shake or smoothie!

It will be vanilla.

No, vanilla might not be my first choice when we wander into an ice cream shop near the beach, but it certainly would not be my last choice either.

And the last time I checked it was an important ingredient in every recipe that is GOOD!

It is a staple on my grocery list - something I cannot do with out - it's called for in so many things. I even put it in my egg batter for french toast!

Yes. I need vanilla, I LIKE vanilla.

I could not be happy without vanilla.

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I like the vanilla in my love life, too.

There is something reassuring about the ordinariness (is that a word?) of stable, common, everyday love with a stable, reliable, ordinary man. I don't need a whole lot of excitement (I don't think my ticker could take too much - I'm a pretty contemplative person, not very spontaneous).
I don't want to go skydiving, a walk on the beach would do. (No cayenne, just a little cinnamon.)

I like going to bed and waking up with the same man every day.
I like hanging my clothes next to his in the closet.
I like knowing how he likes his coffee, his toast, his eggs...
I like the way he teases the older children and rubs the little ones' feet when they are sleepy...
He knows what kind of soda pop I drink.
He helps around the house when I need it.
He goes to work. He comes home. Always comes home.

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So, you see, while to some people vanilla means dull and boring, unexciting and less-than-thrilling...

to me, it is the most comforting and reliable flavor.

And vanilla love is so good that, even after 17 years, it still makes my heart skip a beat at the sound of my husband's voice.

 I would not trade my vanilla life for all the excitement in the world!



Now THAT is an every day kind of love!

After all of these children moved into my body and made it their home, their moving out has left the dwelling somewhat like a college frat house - a bit untidy, and in a state of disrepair.


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Last year, what had started out as an on-going mild inconvenience, suddenly turned into a full blown problem. Some mornings, the simple act of getting out of the bed was extremely painful, and lifting and carrying a crying child in the middle of the night was completely out of the question!

Most days my back would loosen up enough to allow me to do my job without a great deal of difficulty, other days I had to rely on anti-inflammatory or pain relieving medications to help me through the day. On occasion, I was forced to set aside my to-do list and make a new plan for what I was actually able to accomplish. I definitely have a new compassion for people who live with chronic pain.

I had to start every morning sitting with a heating pad - sometimes for a half-hour, sometimes for more than an hour, while I did my "soul nourishing." At some point, my tiny children would wake up and sit by me while I waited for my back to cooperate. And we cuddled, warm under an afghan, and we talked, and I would smell their heads. So it was not ALL terrible!

I also had to give up exercise completely since that would set me up for a great deal of pain the next morning. I didn't like that last adjustment. I want to be healthy and trim off the extra pounds that those babies left laying around!

After an MRI, I was told that I had significant degeneration in my spine for my age. It would require physical therapy or surgery to correct this.


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 Over the months my husband had watched me grit my teeth some mornings as I inched out of bed, at times sitting right down on the floor to catch my breath and change my posture before trying to stand and walk. He saw me flinch throughout the day if I made just the wrong move and my back complained about it.

One day he announced that he would be ordering a new mattress. An expensive new mattress. One of those mattresses that advertises that it can make a difference for back pain.

He'd been thinking about it and saving up for it for a while.

A loving gesture.

A thoughtful gift.

But this story is about to get ugly.

(You might want to close your eyes.)

At our Valentines dinner my husband gave our children gifts (as he does every year), but there was nothing in the bag for me.

I was calm.
Smiling.
Valentine's day-ish.
But in my heart I was questioning his love for me.

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"Why didn't he get something for me? I am the 'sweetheart' here, not the children, after all!" were the thoughts that plagued my mind the next day as I cried selfish pity-party tears.

Finally, I screwed up the courage and told him that what he had done on Valentine's Day had hurt me deeply.

"What did I do?" he asked incredulously.

I recounted my version of the events.

He was hurt that I had wasted any time thinking that. He explained how he thought that he had made it clear that (hopefully) pain-free sleeping was his gift of love to me at Valentine's Day. He didn't think that I would want candy since I am trying to be more healthy, or the half dead flowers at the grocery store or a cheesy card. He was giving me the best thing he could think of and I had not seen the value that it possessed!

You see, my husband is the kind of man who believes in Living out your Love.

He began to explain his frustration over Valentine's Day, saying that people go out of their way to show love on that one day, when they SHOULD be showing that kind of love all year. He does not value the day because it is nothing more than an ordinary day to him - just another day (like ALL days) to Live out Love.
His love is practical.
It is everyday.
If I say, "My love-tank is feeling a little bit low." He will clean the bathroom or run the vacuum.
This is true love.

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Because, despite which love language you most relate to, what it comes down to is that the essence of love is giving of yourself for someone else.

Love is doing what is best for the other person at my own expense.

 

This weekend my niece got married. As we sat around the table visiting with family members, my sister in law mentioned that my brother in law had really struggled that whole week with marrying off his oldest daughter. I remembered when I got married. My dad took it kind of hard, too. In fact, that was about the time the movie Father of the Bride came out. My Dad said that he could relate to all of the emotions expressed by the father in that movie surrounding this life-altering event.

For quite some time now, I've been thinking about how uncomfortable we all are with change. It seemed odd - considering that there is constant change taking place in our lives, whether "good change" like a marriage or the birth of a child or "bad change" like moving away from loved ones or the death of a family member. I was thinking that it would be so much easier if we could just accept it as inevitable instead of fighting against it all of the time!

"...All the days of my hard service I will wait, Till my change comes." Job 14:14

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A few weeks ago, I was listening to a preacher on the radio and I heard these words:


Suddenly I understood.

We've all heard about how we have a "God-shaped hole in our hearts" that can only be filled by HIM, but I've most often heard that said in the context of salvation or marriage (not expecting another person to fulfill needs in our hearts that only God can fill).

I guess that it did not occur to me until that moment that the "God-shaped hole" is applicable to any and every aspect of our lives!

The more I thought about it, the more I remembered that I had heard about God's unchanging nature before! I simply had not seen how it applied to ME.

"But He is unique, and who can make Him change?" Job 23:13

"For I am the LORD, I do not change..." Malachi 3:6

"God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" Numbers 23:19

"He who is the Glory of Israel does not lie or change his mind; for he is not a man, that he should change his mind." 1 Samuel 15:29

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." Hebrews 13:8

How does this apply to me?

"Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath.God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek." Hebrews 6:17-20 emphasis added

  Because God is unchanging and unchangeable, I have the hope of eternal life.
A firm and secure kind of hope.
Like an anchor.

I can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my future - whether in this vascilating current life or in the "after" life - is completely secure in Him!

Is your future secure? It can be!

"For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God..." 1 Peter 3:18