Tuesday was my hubby's Birthday.

I planned a meal that he would enjoy but, since he is not a big cake-eater, I did not know what kind of dessert to make. As I perused the baking isle at the grocery story, it occurred to me that he might like a German chocolate cake.

Not one from a box.

A homemade cake...

... from his grandmother's recipe.

Having made my decision, I set out for home, sure that I had everything that I would need already in my cupboards.

When the time came to make the cake, I could not find Grandma's recipe so I turned to my good old stand-by Better Homes and Gardens cookbook because it has recipes for everything. I discovered that German chocolate cake was actually named for the main ingredient - German chocolate (which I did NOT have in my cupboards). I figured out from the recipe that it was in the form of regular chocolate rather than powder, so I decided to substitute chocolate chips.

Just as I placed all of the ingredients into the mixing bowl, the power went out leaving me with a gooey paste and no way to finish preparing it! Seeing my half- finished project in the bowl, my husband questioned me about it. He noted that that recipe called for German chocolate, so I had to make him aware of my substitution. He was not sure if it would turn out.

The power was out for a couple of hours then I baked the cake while we ate a hastily prepared meal instead of the special birthday meal that I had planned, then I set out to make the special caramel/coconut frosting that goes with the cake.

It was awful!

I am not sure what went wrong - I followed the directions.

"HELP!" I said to my kitchen-competent husband.

It was lumpy and runny at the same time.

Yuck!

"This is too hard!" I said.

"I know. That's why I don't make it very often." He answered.

After looking for a few minutes, he was able to find his Grandma's recipe. He handed it to me, saying something about "the next time that you make it..."

"There won't be a next time." I retorted

"Why would you say that?" he asked incredulously."The other day James asked me how I learned to cook so well and I told him that when I make a mistake, I do it right the next time."

"You don't make cooking mistakes!" I mumbled under my breath.

I sent my children off to bed disappointed that there was not birthday cake for Daddy.

The more I thought about it, the more I knew that he was right. Galations 6:9 came to mind. It says, "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest (or make a complicated cake!) if we do not give up." So the next day, armed with new resolve, I decided to try making the frosting again.

 I saw that there was one small difference in the recipe that might have made a big difference - no egg whites.

This time it turned out perfect.

Creamy.
Sticky.
Caramel-ly.

My daughter could not wait to show it to my husband when he got home from work.

I am so glad that I did not give up!

German Chocolate cake anyone?

P.S. Grandma had a hand-written notation that she substituted chocolate chips, too!

“This is all my fault, I am SO sorry!” I say to my whimpering six year old as I rub aloe on her little cherry-red shoulders. We had gone to the beach for the afternoon – the first really hot beach day of the season. My husband had purchased sunscreen for me just before we left, knowing that, as a red-head with fair skin, the only way that I can enjoy the beach (his favorite place) was if I knew that I would not come home with a painful sunburn. I had managed to get sunscreen on the two babies and me, but the four older children were already in the water by the time I got down to the beach. I knew that my oldest child would need it since he has fair skin too, and I eventually got some on him, but my others turn a lovely shade of brown just like their father, so I did not think of it as urgent, and did not call them out of the water.

I completely forgot about the sunscreen until a few hours later when my children started looking pink. Too little, too late - they were all burned to a crisp.

That is when my nemesis arrived and the dual began. “You are a terrible mother,” Mother Guilt hissed in my ear, “You knew they would burn without sunscreen and yet you were not vigilant to accomplish the task.”

“That does not make me a terrible mother,” I parleyed back, “it was just a mistake.”

“But you made sure to cover your Self. Now your children are suffering because of your ‘mistake’ but you are not.” And in that moment, Mother Guilt had pared my weapon from me and had me on my knees.

“I AM a terrible mother!” I wailed in defeat.


Mother Guilt is an enemy that I face often. I struggle so much with the need to be perfect (in fact, it has been a journey of obedience for me to share my short-comings so candidly in this fashion). I think that I have always wanted to be (or at least appear to be) perfect, yet it has definitely increased since I have become a mother, and continued to grow with the addition of each new child. I feel as though I must be more organized, more disciplined and even more spiritually attuned than other mothers because I need to prove that I can mother so many children - and do it well.

If I can't be perfect, at least I would like to do most things right! Yet no matter how hard I try, Mother Guilt shows up on an almost daily basis, sits on my shoulder and whispers in my ear.

"You need to play with your kids more. GOOD mothers are FUN mothers."

 "You totally over-reacted in that situation. GOOD mothers don't yell at their kids." 

"You know that 'every day that goes by without spiritual training for our children is a day that can never be recaptured.'*  but you did not read the Bible or memorize a verse with your kids today - in fact you have missed several days this week!" It hisses. "Those days can never be recaptured...they can never be recaptured."

The terrible words ring in my ears, causing my heart  to cringe. Ugh!

Day after day I am plagued by feelings of inadequacy, prompted by Mother Guilt.

I am not the only mother battling Mother Guilt. I have heard many comments from other mothers that lead me to believe that they combat Mother Guilt, too.

When my older children were young I had the privilege of attending a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group at a church in my town. Each meeting would host a different guest speaker who would share on a topic of their expertise. One week a dental hygienist would speak to us about our childrens' oral health. Another week a fitness instructor would share the benefits of working daily exercise into our schedules. Yet another guest would share the many creative ways to scrapbook and save our childrens' memorable moments.

One day I asked a friend why she had stopped attending and she told me that after each meeting she would set out to do the important thing that was encouraged by our guest, seeing the value of it and hoping to improve herself as a mother. After a while, she found that she could not do everything and began to run herself down because she felt that she was a bad mother. She stopped coming because she could not bear to listen to one more thing that she was doing wrong!

I tried to help her see that she did not have to do all of those things to be a good mother, but Mother Guilt had already won that dual in her heart.

Since I have wrestled with Mother Guilt for so long, I finally decided to see what scripture had to say about it. I have to be honest with you and say that I did not find much that had to do with guilt, and what I did  find was not very encouraging.

Then I stumbled across this verse and it really spoke to my heart on this issue:

"For though a righteous [mother] may fall seven (or many more!) times, [she] rises again." Proverbs 24:16a

I began to realize that Mother Guilt may be able to bring me to my knees from time to time, but it cannot keep me there! By the grace of God I can GET BACK UP and trust God for the strength to try again - - and maybe do it better the next time.

Maybe Mother Guilt has been attacking you as well. What do you do to counter your Mother Guilt?



* quote from James Dobson

It was a beautiful Fourth of July morning and I could see my husband, children, and brother-in-law in the water, although I was a considerable distance away chatting with my sister-in-law and mother-in-law under the cabana on the camper. Suddenly my brother-in-law started running down the dock. I popped up out of my chair to get a better look. He was waving to his Dad who was standing on shore.

"I think they found it!" I exclaimed.

The day before, as everyone played in the water and my brother-in-law wrestled with a tube, he noticed that his wedding band had slipped off. A preliminary search proved unproductive, since the boat traffic had stirred up the mud enough to cause a murkiness that prevented any view of the bottom of the lake. His wife immediately removed her bands and tucked them away in a safe place as everyone breathed a collective moan.
It was decided that early morning was the best time to look again.

After the lake had time to settle.

As soon as breakfast was finished the next day they all headed out to search some more. I don't think that it  took an hour. Probably not even half an hour. It was my husband's turn to dive and he started in the designated area. Just as he dove down, he saw the edge sticking up out of the mud. At first he thought that it could not possibly be the ring and almost chose not to pick it up, but he did.

My mother-in-law's eyes filled with tears. She had been praying that it would be found, saying that the replacement ring does not hold the same sentimental value as the one that your beloved places on your hand on your wedding day. She should know. Midway through their 43 year marriage she had to replace her ring because it was wearing out.

Wedding bands were on all of our minds for the rest of the weekend.

Another sister-in-law told me how her husband has a very hands-on sort of job so his band is full of nicks and scrapes. She said that they talked about whether or not he should even wear it to work for safety reasons, but he chooses to wear it anyway. When we went tubing in the afternoon, this same sister realized that she was still wearing her rings and, unwilling to pass them over the water, she came back into the boat and asked me to wear them for her rather than putting them in a cup holder. I clenched my fist the whole time, I was so afraid of losing them!

I could not help but think of the value that such a small thing can hold. The ancient Romans believed that the ring finger had a direct bloodline to the heart. Even though modern science has proven that assumption to be wrong, it still seems to be the case - the wedding ring does have a direct connection to the heart. Maybe not the physical blood-pumping heart, but it is directly linked to the very core of our being. I have often wondered if this passion becomes stronger for those whose marriages have weathered the storms of long-term illness, endured the loss of a child (especially if there is room for each spouse to blame the other for that loss), or who have pieced their marriage back together after an infidelity. In my imagination, it does seem likely that they might even attach more value to this symbol of their now-stronger marriage.

I thought about how I felt when I lost the diamond out of my own wedding ring when I was Christmas shopping a few years ago. Once, my mom's friend lost her diamond in the mall and found it while re-tracing her steps. I was not so lucky. How awful it felt to remove that important bit of hardware and put it in the jewelry box! Looking at replacement rings did not make me feel any better. I will never forget the day that my husband got on his knee and talked to me about how we had been piling up "stones of remembrance"  in our relationship and that he had another stone. Seven in fact. God's perfect number. What a beautiful ring he had selected  - and what a huge sentiment to go with it.

I thought about my husband's wedding band and how proud I am to have him wear it. He is one of those kind of guys that everyone wants. Not only is he handsome, but he can install a toilet or iron a shirt. He is a great dad. He mows the lawn or washes windows without even a suggestion on my part, and he can produce a four course meal without breaking a sweat. There have been several times in my marriage when I have felt that I must go into "battle" for him, holding up that shiny ring as a banner, hoping it will blind those brazen women (for whom even a wedding band is not always a deterrent) and keep them away! Like the day our hairdresser told me that my husband was so handsome that if she was a few years younger...  (She was also married, and I am sure that it was only meant as a compliment, but as a new bride I went home and told my husband to find someone else to cut his hair!)

Even though the rings seem to be the object of value or sentiment, it is what they represent that holds the true value. While we were driving the other day, my husband and I were talking about a family that we barely know and a second marriage that had just taken place in that family the previous day. We speculated as to the cause of the demise of the first marriage since they seem so amicable. It seemed odd to us that a couple could say that they are still friends, but just do not want to live together anymore.

In his book Two Fleas and No Dog, Craig Hill describes the difference between a contract and a covenant. He says that a contract can be broken by either party, releasing the other person from their obligation, but a covenant is permanently binding - -  so much so that, even if one person breaks their part of the covenant, the other person is legally obligated to uphold their end of the deal! Unfortunately, marriage in our culture is seen as a contract rather than a covenant (or as Mary Poppins puts it, "...a pie crust promise - easily made and easily broken!")

I thought of the vows spoken at a wedding and how the ring is the symbol of that covenant which is only supposed to be broken by death.

Minister: "The wedding ring is a symbol of eternity. It is an outward sign of an inward and spiritual bond which unites two hearts in endless love. It reminds us of the endless love that God has for us, and the example He set before us to love one another. And now as a token of your love and of your deep desire to be forever united, you may place a ring on the finger of your bride."

Groom and Bride: "This ring I give you, in token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love. All my worldly goods I thee endow. In sickness and in health, in poverty or in wealth, till death do us part."


But no matter how much each couple means it at the time that they speak it, marriages are constantly crumbling because we cannot do it. We cannot keep all of the promises that we make.

Only God can.

I thought back to a particular Sunday school lesson in a Walk Through the Bible series that my husband facilitated a few years ago.

The teacher explained several different types of covenants that were made in Bible times. He talked about the giving of the shoe (such as in the story of Ruth and Boaz). As long as the other person had your shoe, the covenant could not be broken.

He explained how at other times they would each pour grain or sand  into the other's small pouch, stating that as long as they were mixed, the covenant could not be broken (have you every tried to "sort" sand? It's nigh impossible!)

The final type of covenant was the one that meant so much to me.

The teacher described all of the promises that God made to Abraham and told how God made a blood covenant with Abraham. A blood covenant is one in which both parties agree to something so significant that if one of them breaks that covenant the penalty is death. To make this kind of covenant, a sacrifice would be cut in half and both parties would walk between the divided sacrifice before offering it to God and making the covenant permanent. God knew that this covenant was something impossible for Abraham - that is was only up to HIM to keep the covenant, so he put Abraham into a deep sleep and "walked" between the bull all by Himself.

The reason that this resonated with me was the fact that all of the Old Testament - from the first sin and the shedding of blood to make clothing to "cover" that sin - is  pointing us to the future sacrifice of Jesus Christ for us!

This covenant with Abraham was a symbol of Christ's one-sided blood covenant with US, with Himself as the sacrifice!

"But when the kindness and the love of God our Savior appeared, He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy.  He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit , whom He poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that having been justified by His grace we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life." Titus 3: 4-7

 Marriage is also a symbol of the blood covenant. When we say:

"For when God made a promise to Abraham, because He could swear by no one greater, He swore by Himself... And so, after [Abraham] had patiently endured, he obtained the promise. Hebrews 6:13-15

As much as I value my marriage, I know my own frailties. I know that it is possible for me to utterly fail to keep my promises.

That's is why I am SO glad that my salvation isn't up to me! I cannot be the faithful bride of Christ, yet He continues to hold up His part of the covenant that He made to me. What a wonderful Savior!

Do YOU have this same confidence?

If not, please contact me directly so that I can show you through scripture how to have this kind of relationship with God. mailto:latishavanderzon@yahoo.com
photo credit

"Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is."
Ephesians 5:15-17

What does it mean to make the most of every opportunity because the days are evil?

Our TIME is under attack.

Satan is vying for our time and attention. He knows that if he can keep us busy and distracted and wasting time, then we are not effective as Christians. Every time that we say, "I don't have time to read God's word or teach it to my children, I have too much to do today." we are making a choice on who wins the battle over our time. Our days are becoming fewer - our children are growing and will soon be out of our homes. Our moments for sharing Christ with our neighbors, for reaching out to those in need... are slowly disappearing.
What will we devote our time to? Will we choose God's will, or waste our opportunities?

I have worked out a little formula for making the most of our time.

This is advice that I also have to choose to follow or discard each day - and my day proves which choice was made! God, help me to make the wise choice!


1. Tithe Your Time.

I know that it sounds funny to use the word "tithe" when talking about the home because it is typically a word we associate with money, but the principle of tithing works with our time as well. There is something "magical" about the way that God blesses the remainder of what is first offered to Him. If you have tried tithing in your finances, you were undoubtedly amazed to discover how many times that the money "stretched" to meet your needs. There is no logical explanation - it is nothing more or less than God's blessing.

The same thing happens when you give Him the first of your time - it is equally amazing what you can accomplish in a day. I believe that there are two reasons for this. The first is obviously the fact that God blesses your day. The second is more practical - when you spend time in the word, you calm your spirit and focus on God. As you pray and commit your day to Him and ask Him to reveal His will for you that day, He brings His priorities to the front of your mind.

There have been days that I felt I had too much to do to sit and "read" and I was flustered and frustrated all day. I am learning that when I have a lot to do, this is the one thing that I cannot go with out - I must sit and focus my day with prayer - then I can accomplish all that God has for me that day. (And my attitude toward my work is better for it, too!)

Try it!

Just like scripture recommends that we "test" God and see if He really will bless our offered money, test Him on your time, too, and see what He will help you to accomplish each day!


2. Make your own schedule.

I began to see the value in this when I started doing daycare in my home about seven years ago, then again when my son was diagnosed with ADD. The day simply goes more smoothly when there is a set routine and the children always know what comes next. It prevents discipline problems and growly tummies. It helps you to stay on track, get back on track when you've had an interruption, and accomplish the important tasks each day.

I know that some of you like to be spontaneous and may feel that a schedule limits your creativity or boxes your day in too much. I have heard the same reasons for why people do not like to budget their finances. However, the same principle applies in both situations: when you live within your means, it gives you more freedom to do the things that you want to do financially.When you budget your time, you are able to accomplish the necessary tasks and also allow time for creativity. You can even budget a whole day for work and a whole day for fun if you need to!

Your schedule is yours! Make it work for you. You can be as detailed (or flexible) as you would like. Be sure to include both the tasks and relational things that you hope to accomplish each day. For example, you may choose to specify when you will do laundry or plan the evening meal, but also include things like reading scripture or playing with your children.

3. Make a list.

Typically, I have the same tasks every day, but with six children plus daycare, you can imagine that I get many interruptions throughout the day. A list helps me to get back on track. After praying for God's priorities, think of specific things that must be done that day and write them down.  You do not have to write down things that are already in your schedule, but if you like to cross things off the list, feel free to include them. Write down phone calls that must be made, errands to run, and things that are specific to that day. If there are other things that you would like to do, but they are not urgent, add them to another list of things to do later that week. To make your tasks easier to see at a glance, you can divide your list into categories such as:
things to do today
things to do this week
calls to make
errands to run
etc.


4. Reign in time wasters.

Once I discovered the world wide web, I also discovered that Time would stand still in my mind as I linked into one blog after another or read post after post on facebook. Soon I would realize that it was very late at night, or my children were being "neglected," or my morning work was left undone. I had to learn to put my internet time on my schedule and stick to it. That also helped me to prioritize what I most wanted to do with my free time. Some days I read blogs, others I write my blog or do research for other things that I would like to write. Nap time is my time slot for these ventures because it limits my time,  and the children do not require my attention. Once the children are up, my computer time is over.

You may have a different time waster - reading books, talking on the telephone, or watching TV can be huge time wasters. If you are not accomplishing  all that you could each day, it may be time to re-evaluate how much time you devote to your particular type of time waster and ask God to show you how to reign it in to a reasonable amount of time so that you are free to do ALL of His will for you each day.


5. Sometimes interruptions are God's appointments.

"There is time every day to do the perfect will of God."
My Grandma Brush read this quote in Joyful Woman magazine many years ago. It has impacted her life dramatically. It reminds her to be on the lookout for God's will each day, and set out to do it.

I have had to remind myself of this when my day does not go as I have planned. No matter what schedule I have printed or list I have made - even if I have taken time to try to "hear" God's will for me that day - sometimes something will happen that is totally unexpected and I have to adjust my day around it.

Our suburban broke down at the mall and I had to sit and wait for three hours...

A friend called with a heavy heart and needed to talk out her troubles...

Several times this winter my baby got sick and just wanted to be held all day for several days. It was so hard to sit in the chair and watch the house fall into a shambles, but that is what I needed to do because that was God's will for me those days. (I wish that I'd remembered this in time to have a better attitude about it all along).

Seeking out God's spontaneous Will will also include opportunities to share Christ with  people. Maybe the cashier at the grocery store needs to hear a word from the Lord today and He planned for it to come from your lips. Perhaps today is the day that you need to spend time with a shut-in or make dinner for a friend who just got out of the hospital.

Just remember to keep looking for God's Will all throughout the day. Sometimes His plan will surprise you!


So...
Turn your day over to God.
Plan to accomplish much.
Allow God's plan to supersede yours.

THIS is how to make the most of every opportunity.