In other words, the mess.

If you go upstairs, you will find the Grown Up Living room, Dining room and kitchen, the master bedroom and bath, and babies bedroom. This area is usually (more or less) clean.

My  husband likes it that way.

I like it that way!

On occasion I will discover a toy that has sneaked its way into the grown-up area. If it is light weight, bouncy, or small, I will walk to the top of the staircase, reach around the banister and drop said toy into it's designated area because I am too lazy busy to walk it down the stairs and put it away properly.

This has not been a problem until recently.

I handed a toy to a two year old and told him to bring it downstairs. A second later I heard a terrible crashing as it bounced and clattered onto each step, scratching the paint on the walls on its way.

It seems that I have set the example for how to put the toy downstairs!

This scenario has repeated itself a few times since that day, so I have had to make a conscious effort to stop my toy-dropping since the toddlers have no concept of which toys are "droppable" and which ones are not!


Really??

"Children seldom misquote you. They more often repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said." Mae Maloo

The whole idea of being a good example is so hard! If it weren't for that pesky old sin-nature it would be easy. Instead, we constantly struggle to do what is right, to make our children tow that line, and to confess and repent when we don't do what is right ourselves.

I started thinking about this more recently because some of our children have developed a love affair with food and (ahem) it is starting to show. We have had to begin teaching them about moderation - stopping before it becomes sin. This is so hard for me because I, too, love food! Now I have to be careful! How can I say, "No seconds" while I am scooping extra portions onto my plate?


 Sometimes we get it right. My tiny boy says "You're welcome" when it is appropriate to say "thank-you" since saying "thank you" elicits that response! He figured out this politeness all on his own and is following our example and saying what we say.


This week, the we have been memorizing this verse:

"Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12 NKJV

Timothy was a very young man who loved God so much that he wanted to be in full time ministry right from the start, and he apprenticed himself to the Apostle Paul.

I attempted to explain the verse to my children. I told them that sometimes people say things like: "all children are irresponsible," "all teenagers rebel," or "kids will be kids" to excuse sins typical to immaturity. It starts to become an assumption that all children/teens WILL rebel (or they are odd), will be irresponsible (or they are exceptional)... etc.

To be an example means to be "one worthy of imitation." (Webster's Dictionary) That means that we have to be BETTER at something - because you can only show someone how to do something that you already know how to do well.

I thought it noteworthy that  it says "...to the believers..." 

"Wow! That means that we aren't just supposed to be better than the worst people we know, like unbelievers or something, but be an example to the BEST people we know! Other Christians. We should be better than the best in our words (obviously), our conduct (our actions - the things we do), our love (as described in 1 Corinthians 13 - the self-sacrificing kind), our spirit (our ability to persevere with joy through difficult times), our faith (unwavering trust in the Holy God), and our purity.

I reminded them that to be pure means to stay as far away from sin as possible. Not to get as close as possible without actually sinning.

A man needed to hire an new limo driver, but his route included a treacherous stretch through a canyon in which the road pressed up against a cliff wall on one side, and had a sharp drop off on the other. Three people applied for the job and he took them to that stretch of road for part of their interview. "How close do you think you can drive by the edge of the cliff?" he asked. "Well," the first driver replied. "I have been a professional driver for years. I think that I could get within a foot of the cliff."
The same question was asked of the second driver. "I grew up in this area and have driven through this canyon all of my life." was his answer. "I know that I could get within six inches and keep you safe."
Finally it was time for the third interview. Again, the same question. The third driver looked over the edge and watched for a few moments as a pebble dislodged by his shoe fell to the canyon floor. He stepped back and looked at the man incredulously. "I don't know why you would want to get close to that edge!" he replied. "I would rather stay as close to the center line as possible!"
"You're hired!" the Man exclaimed.

Setting a good example may be hard...

     It requires Grace. Lots and lots of Grace.

     It requires that we be more intentional in every aspect of our lives.

     It requires looking to the One Who set us the perfect example -
     our Loving Heavenly Father!

...but it is not impossible!



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She learned that, in the Jewish culture, the mother is the primary teacher of scripture, and she began to feel that she was not relieving my dad of his responsibility, she was simply taking on her own responsibility by doing it.

“But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it [his mother and grandmother!], and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.” 2 Timothy 3:14-15 NIV

Not only that, but she understood how important it was not to neglect that aspect of child rearing. She told me that one of Satan’s most effective tools in preventing this kind of teaching to our children is to keep us so busy fighting over who owns the responsibility that no one ends up doing it!

Since then, I have taken on the "formal" teaching of scripture in our home just as my mother did. My husband’s strong convictions have reinforced what I have tried to teach, both on a spiritual level, and in practical everyday life. I have been able to point out to my children how their dad lives out his faith even though he is not always talking to them about it like I am. And he will occasionally “drive it home” for them better than I ever could. My children will be able to say along with the songwriter, “Daddy was the one who kept me walkin’ the line.” It is working pretty well for us so far...


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mother blessing sabbath
father correcting son

*GASP*

I heard that!

For one thing, we've never had much cash for it early in our marriage as missionaries, then as we struggled to make ends meet as "ordinary" people.

Later it was because my wonderful babysitter shared her birthday with the holiday so I felt terrible asking her to babysit on that day!

I have to admit, I spent some of those early years wishing (sulking, pouting, feeling sorry for myself...) that we could celebrate the way that EVERYONE ELSE does! After a while, my husband got tired of my attitude and started dreading the holiday altogether.

It was time for an ...ahem... attitude adjustment.

It was Lexy's birthday that did it for me. I now had a good reason to stay home. (At least it was MY choice.)

So I started a new family tradition with our children. We eat in the dining room on the good dishes. I make something special - including dessert, which we rarely have at our house.

One year I made French silk pie. It is Rich. It is time consuming...

My family did not like it!

But I digress.

Anyway, the kids love the holiday. Hubby tolerates it. And my bad attitude is gone.

It works well for us.

Yet I continued to think that everyone else went out for Valentines day but us.

Until last Valentine's Day.

I was at school for the class parties and two different moms asked me what I was making for dinner. I had not told them about our family tradition, so I wondered how they knew that we were "eating in." As we stood there exchanging recipes, I figured it out! We are not the only ones who include ALL of the special people in our lives, not just our "significant other," as we celebrate Love!

Wow! A new dose of reality!


Yes, you heard me. I said we set ourselves up for disappointment. We imagine a romantic ideal of the way that we think it should go (maybe from a book we read or a movie that we watched of someone else's romantic ideal). We make it impossible for our poor husbands to please us without a great deal of effort or expense on his part. He carries a fear that if what he does is not good enough, he will be "punished" with pouting, rejection, a cold shoulder, withholding of intimacy, nagging, or keeping score.

If he does succeed, his prospects are not much better because he must then meet or exceed the new expectations the following year!

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal... love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy...it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs... When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a [woman], I put childish ways behind me..." from 1Corinthians 13

Make a plan. Don't put the pressure on your husband. If you have something in mind for that day, plan it yourself! That way, you will get your dream date, you will have the right attitude, and your husband will be more relaxed. It is the first step to making sweet memories to replace the tense ones.

Happy Valentine's day
love you more credit
lovers photo credit
apology photo credit

"These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children..." *

Children feel that desperate need for Jesus, too! Last week, as I was writing How to Saturate your day with the Word of God, I had a lot of ideas for children as well - - enough for an entire post of their own!


My mom often reminds me about her friend who intentionally plays inspirational music as her children get ready for school because she wants those words stuck in their heads all day.








There is even plenty to choose from for very young children, too. We have loved using the Praise Baby collection with our children. They come in both CDs and DVDs. (TV viewing is not recommended for children under age 2.)

"...Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up..." *

This can be one of the easiest ways to "fit it in" to our children's lives - - in normal conversations with our children on any subject! My mother did this with us, so it has come very naturally to me, but this is a skill that can be developed. Doing this works so well  because "the Word of God is living and powerful... and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12) so that makes it relevant to our every day lives!


Sometimes it can seem really hard to find the right time to do "formal" teaching, but recently I was encouraged in this by one of my favorite authors who wrote about how words of scripture are the dessert at every meal in the home of her husband's family - and now in hers, too. (If you only click on one link in this article, make it THIS one!) I have always made some kind of effort to read scripture to my kids, but have always found it difficult to fit it in. I found myself reading several chapters at a time, testing the patience of my children. After reading Ann's story, I realized that a few verses each day was a better choice, and have discovered that if I get the kids up a few minutes early, we can sit together and read the scripture at breakfast.

"...Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates..." *

A few years ago I researched Biblical costumes for a Passion Play that my husband wrote and directed in our church, and I was fascinated to learn that the Pharisees took this verse so literally, that they actually tied little pouches to their foreheads and kept verses in them! I am not suggesting that we write verses on our children's foreheads with magic marker, but keeping scripture before their eyes is really important. Implanting it inside their heads is even more important.


“Be very careful, then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:15-16)