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Sometimes I wonder how my life started to look like this:

Wake up at 6:00 Monday morning pressed between my husband and a small child.
He has a child on his other side, too.
Get dressed. The first daycare child arrives early.
Spend a few minutes with the Lord.
Get teenager up.
Wake up two little children and put them in carseats.
Drive teenager to driver's ed on the other side of the county.
Arrive home 45 minutes later.
Wake up the rest of the children and feed them breakfast.
Other daycare child arrives.
Make beds. Put in a load of laundry.
Pick up teenager from driver's ed. Another 45 minutes.
Take too long getting ready to go to the beach.
Go to the beach for a little while.
Come home and make lunch.
Clean up kitchen, put away toys.
Put the kids down for a nap. Write for a little while they are resting.
Wake kids up for afternoon snack.
Feed the kids boiled eggs and toast to tide them over until "real" supper.
Daycare kids are picked up.
Husband comes home from work.
Go to the beach (with Daddy this time) to cool the kids down before bed because it's too hot to sleep.
Come home and make supper.
Wash dishes.
Hubby goes to bed. Two little ones climb into my spot.
Send the older kids off to bed - it's already 10:30
Check to see if the babies are asleep enough to move them to their own beds. Nope.
Pick up random laundry scattered around the house.
Take a moment to switch the laundry and put in a last-of-the-day, long-running cycle load.
Pray for the older kids who are now in their beds.
Go back upstairs to the kitchen and re-wash the table after a child who is in the process of learning.
Set the coffee maker to come on in the morning.
Sweep up the egg shells that are still on the floor from the afternoon.
Check to see if the babies are asleep yet. Not quite.
Turn off all of the lights, lock the doors.
Take a shower.
Move the now-sleeping babies to their own beds. How long with they stay there?
Ease into bed quietly to avoid waking hubby.
It is now midnight.

The sad thing is, most of my days go something like this, usually exchanging driver's ed drop-offs with my physical therapy exercises and trips to the beach with storytime or a nature walk. Most days there are many loads of laundry.


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I suppose that I never guessed what motherhood truly entailed when I "signed up" for it. I don't think I realized that I was forfeiting all personal privacy and that my children would riffle through my personal belongings, play in my jewelry box, come into the bathroom with me, and rummage through my neatly lined up collection of lovely shoes (which I rarely get to wear) so that they can thump around the house in them.

I've read books and I've even watched Super Nanny, so I know how to get children to go to bed on their own and sleep through the night, but I cannot manage to get my own two little ones to go to bed on their own and sleep through the night!

My husband says that it is just a passing moment and that I should not try to rush through their need to cuddle - some day they won't want to anymore. Besides, four of them do sleep through the night.

In their own beds.

*Sigh*

I know.

I've been finding myself becoming nostalgic lately when I see my last little child doing something somewhat babyish and I know that soon he will be a big boy and won't want to help with everything I do,

or run that sweet toddler-waddle kind of run, 

or give kisses.

I was watching my tall first-born walking hand-in-hand with my tiny last-born yesterday and thinking about when he was tiny, too.

 It wasn't that long ago!



Sometimes my husband likes to listen to country music when we are driving. The other day this song came on the radio. It brought tears to my eyes.

I've been reading Ann Voscamp's book One thousand Giflts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are. She talks about how each and every moment of our lives are full of precious tiny gifts - even the hard moments - we just have to take time to notice and collect them!

I am slowly learning how to do this. To savor ALL of the moments, even the hard ones. Moments that I would want back if they were suddenly gone.

Or eventually gone.

Which they will be.

Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit"; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that." James 4:13-15

I have been cherishing these busy days mostly in retrospect, but I want to be more intentional about my moments and cherish the gifts as they come - rather than trying to remember them later - because of what all of these small moments represent:  a whole life devoted to God and my family. Love. And a  legacy for eternity in my children.

And do this, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep; for now our salvation is nearer than when we first believed. The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light. Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts. Romans 13:11-14

...Who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began. 2 Timothy 1:9



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Today's forecast was in the mid-to-high 90s - rather warm for Northern Michigan - so I decided to take the kids to the beach. By myself.  It should not be a big project since we live only three miles from the shores of Lake Michigan, but somehow it turned out to be a bigger project than I had bargained for.

I had a couple of hours between my teenager's to driver's ed and lunch/nap time (an inflexible part of the daily schedule).  We nearly missed this window of opportunity  altogether - it took so long to get ready! I could not find one child's bathing suit since it was still in a bag from a previous beach visit. Another child put on someone else's suit and had to change. The teenagers decided that they were bored with the beach and did not want to go at all. (I know. They are totally spoiled by our wonderful location and do not even realize how incredibly blessed they are!)


the beach by our house

Finally we got the four pre-schoolers and two bigger girls buckled, then stopped and picked up a neighbor girl on the way. When we got to the beach, we decided to set up camp near a little creek a short walk away, but the little ones did not care for the walk. When we arrived, we discovered that the creek had dried up. As I spread the blanket, the little children started to go into the water - fully clothed and sans sunscreen and life jackets (my requirement when I am the only eyes on them).

While I hurried to corral, change and lotion the little ones, the older girls began bickering over who would get to use the surfboard first. My hair was standing on end like a tense cat.

I said the most spiritual thing that I could think of at the moment:
"It will be a cold day in hell before I do THIS again!"

Soon things began to settle. The tinies splashed at the water's edge and rearrange the sand. The girls settled their quarrel on their own and shared the surfboard. I sat down on the blanket and watched them for a while. They were playing so well that I read a few pages of All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. I don't believe that the author is a Christian, but the book was amusing and it gave me a chuckle.

The tinies had ventured in up to their tummies and were splashing around with some little speed boats. I waded over to them.

The sun shone through the ripples of the shallow water making a pattern on the bottom of the Lake like a chain-link fence made of pure gold. I faced the wind and took a deep breath, soaking up the calm. I often feel an amazing sense of  awe here. Like the polar extremes of God butted up against each other - the power of a mighty body of water, along with beauty and serenity.



the same beach near our house

 I feel Him in the wind.

Peace and power.

The trip had turned out better than it started and I thought, "Isn't it just like God...?"

I could not help but muse over the ways in which we resolve never to do something again - only to have the recollection of it's difficulties erased from memory and we discover that the desire to do it again returns.

Like giving birth.

Or like those little old ladies at the gocery store who say that they loved every minute of motherhood. I think that what they really mean is that they have forgotten the bad, and only the good memories remain.

And it IS just like God!


Joseph could forget his hard life.

"Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh: "For God has made me forget all my toil and all my father's house." Genesis 41:51

Job could forget his tragedy.

"Because you would forget your misery, And remember it as waters that have passed away, And your life would be brighter than noonday. Though you were dark, you would be like the morning. And you would be secure, because there is hope; Yes, you would dig around you, and take your rest in safety. Job 11:16-18

And Isreal would not always remember their suffering.

"Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; For you will forget the shame of your youth, And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore." Isaiah 54:4

"Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing [I do], forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philipians 3:12-14 NKJV (emphasis added)

In light of this?

You'll probably find me flying solo at the beach with a whole pack of kids again. But not this week - I have not yet forgotten...

Last night my husband and I were watching a re-run of an old sitcom where a child about ten years of age asks the parent about the meaning of life. "If we all go to heaven when we die anyway, why does God put us here first?" she said. The father fumbles around with an answer and then feigns a coughing fit and leaves the room.



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Soon you see the parents and other adult family members trying to come up with an answer to the little girl's question. One paced the floor, frantic over these thoughts of God and the deeper meaning of life which had formerly been pushed to the back of the mind. Another adult randomly selected unrelated passages of scripture and read them aloud authoratatively while yet another called and left an urgent message for the priest.

Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun--all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun. Ecclesiastes 9:9

Eventually the mother decided that the point of being placed on this earth is to never know why! They decided to wing it and return to talk to the little girl, who has forgotten the question and is now playing with her younger siblings. The question is never anwered. "God does not put us here without an answer!" I announced. "If they would actually READ that Bible instead of  picking random verses, they would find it!"

"Then it wouldn't be funny." My husband said.

I did not think it was funny at all. I thought it was terribly, terribly sad. (As you can imagine, I am a whole lot of fun to watch TV with! *wink*)

How many people approach this question the same way? I wondered.

When I was a child, I attended a Lutheran school for a couple of years. One of the things that I remember was memorizing a catechism. Every once in a while, I think of this one question and it's answer:
Question: What is the chief end of man?
Answer: Man's chief end is to glorify God, and enjoy Him forever.

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It is His desire to have a close friendship.

That which we have seen and heard we declare to you, that you also may have fellowship with us; and truly our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ. 1 John 1:3

He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8

To enjoy and be enjoyed.

The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

Let all those who seek You rejoice and be glad in You; And let those who love Your salvation say continually, "Let God be magnified!" Psalm 70:4

To communicate.

Many, O LORD my God, are Your wonderful works which You have done; And Your thoughts toward us cannot be recounted to You in order; If I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered. Psalm 40:5 

Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it," Whenever you turn to the right hand or whenever you turn to the left. Isaiah 30:21

To LOVE and BE LOVED.

"Therefore know that the LORD your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments... Deuteronomy 7:9

Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us...But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:5,8

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rom 8:38-39

 

In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1Jo 4:9-10

YOU were created to LOVE and BE LOVED BY GOD!

So there you have it!

Your purpose. The meaning of life.

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