When I got up this morning and turned on the living room lamp, a sale flyer that had slipped to the floor caught my eye. It was upside down from where I was standing, but I could still read the words LOVE MOM printed in large type at the top of the page.

Obviously, they want you to buy something from their store to show love for your mother, but the words of John 14:15 immediately popped into my head, “If you love me, keep my commands."

I thought of some frustrating moments over the past few days, trying to get my children to follow through on what had been asked of them.

"If you love me, keep my commands." Just seven simple words, yet they sum it all up.

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My children are old enough now to understand Mother's Day, and they always want to do something special for me on that day. They give a gift, they make dinner so I don't have to cook (usually with a great deal of help from Dad), and they are extra sweet...

On THAT day.

I realized this morning that what I really want for Mother's Day is the essence of those seven simple words.

"If you love me, keep my commands."

I don't want a gift - I want obedience.

I don't want a special dinner - I want help with dinner each day.

I don't want platitudes on a special day - I want peaceful attitudes every day.

It occurred to me that that is exactly what my Heavenly Father wants from me!

In 1 Samuel 15:22-23 God is speaking to King Saul through His prophet Samuel. Saul has willfully defied God, yet he believes that he can still just put on an aire of worship and everything will be fine. This is what God has to say about it:

But Samuel replied,
“What is more pleasing to the LORD:
your burnt offerings and sacrifices
or your obedience to his voice?
Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice,
and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.
1 Samuel 15:22-23

God does not want me to sing praise to Him on Sunday and ignore Him on Monday.

He does not want me to say I trust Him, but stay awake at night worrying.

He does not want me to obey when I think that someone is watching,
but compromise when I think I am alone.

He wants me to LOVE Him

 - - and PROVE it by the way that I live...

In the same way that I want my children to love me.

"If you love me, keep my commands."

No matter how old I get, I will NEVER be old enough to be the mother of teenagers.

It's not that I have a problem with my age. It's just that I never quite feel like my age has afforded me the wisdom needed in dealing with them.

Tuesday, my 5 year old decided to pull one over on me. We have allowed our small children what my husband refers to as "mental health days" - days in which they are not sick, but for whatever reason they need to stay home with mom. All of our children have required these days in their early school careers, but this one decided to abuse the privilege.

She used one of these days on Friday and went to school late on Monday after a doctor's appointment. On Tuesday morning I struggled to wake her. Wondering if she might be coming down with something, I allowed her to continue sleeping. As soon as the other children left, she got up and began to play.
"Get dressed so I can take you to school." I said.
"I have a headache." was her matter of fact reply.
"If you are too sick to go to school, you are too sick to play." I quickly informed her, and I sent her back to bed. She lay in her bed listening to Patch the Pirate CDs for a couple of hours until she could not sit there any longer and started begging to go to school.


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Her teacher laughed when I told her.
"Sometimes I ask God why he gave me this very strong willed child at the end of my family when I am old and tired." I added.
"You're not old!" She announced in surprise (she is about the same age I am).
"No. But I will be when she is a teenager!"


We attend a country church that is really more the size of a city church because the need is so great in this rural area. We have two young, energetic youth pastors who plan a plethora of activities that range from entertaining to thought provoking in order to cover the tastes and interests of the 100 - 200 youth that attend.

As you can probably guess, my teenagers want to do EVERYTHING.

In addition to the youth events at church, I am inundated with papers that come home from school encouraging them to be involved in sports, plays, music and many other activities.

 As you can probably guess, my kids want to do EVERYTHING.

Unfortunately, it is impossible to do everything!

Because we have so many children, we work very hard to be an "equal-opportunity" household - which means, for example,  that sometimes we have to reign in little miss wants-to-try-anything so that little miss happy-to-stay-at-home can do the one and only thing she has asked to do. My husband and I evaluate all of the possibilities, and narrow it down to what is practical for us because, not only are we committed to fairness, but we also are determined not to run ourselves and our children ragged trying to do everything.

Oh. And did I mention that most of these things cost money?

We are very blessed to have a good income in an area where the slogan is "half the pay for a look at the bay," but sometimes I think that my kids are so blessed that they begin to expect all of the blessings afforded to them, rather than to see each and every one as a blessing and be thankful for them.

This week we have a youth group event that happens to be one of the things that did not make its way onto the family calendar.

My husband has encouraged me to join the youth ministry since I enjoy being involved in ministry although half of the time I wonder if I am in the right place because I have no idea what to say - I was never a teenager myself.

Of course I was.

I just mean that my mom was diagnosed with cancer when I was 13. Understanding the brevity of the situation, I took on some of the adult responsibilities in the home. Over the course of a year or two, she became well and tried to give me back my childhood but by then I was too "sophisticated," and had decided that teenage antics were beneath me.

At any rate, I was there this Wednesday when I was approached by my one of my children, followed by both of our youth pastors asking if they could help to make arrangements for this child to attend the event. I felt like a deer in the headlights, though there was nothing particularly intimidating about these smiling young men.



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I fumbled for my "opt-out pass," with which my husband has authorized me to use his authority to not make an immediate decision when I am feeling pressured to do so, and said, "I need to talk to my husband first." which was an acceptable answer to the men, but my teen took as an invitation to keep prodding.

Soon the program started and my teenager joined the group. I was still shaken, and went to the quiet room and called my husband. I recounted the situation as he tried to calm me down, offering to explain the decision to the youth pastors if I was too flustered to do so. (While I would not go so far as to say that I avoid confrontation at all costs, I certainly do try to avoid it, and, though this was far removed from a truly confrontational moment, I felt just as intimidated by it).

I went back into the sanctuary and sat alone where I could pray about how to handle it and calm myself down. One of my best friends is also involved in the ministry and, seeing me alone, came over to talk to me. "Why can't teenagers take NO for an answer!?!" I agonized as I explained the situation.

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I have had the kids corner me with their friends nearby, hoping that the pressure of looking like a bad guy to their friends would entice me to give them what they wanted, but this was pitching for the big leagues. I HATED looking like a mean old mom in front of those youth pastors, but after this little bit of manipulation, I HAD to stick with the NO, even though it would have been much easier to cave.

 
This morning I realized that a chore that should have been done yesterday had been overlooked and asked the responsible child to complete the task before leaving for school. The response was neither cheerful, nor immediate. A few minutes later, I asked again and received a lovely retort to the effect of, "So you wait until Dad leaves, and THEN tell me!"



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"I asked you BEFORE he left. But what does Dad have to do with it?" I answered, only to discover that they had planned to pitch an overly dramatic fit in the hopes that their father, who cannot stand to start the day off with chaos and drama, would intervene. Faced with the option to calmly and quietly finish the task or take on additional responsibilities, the task was promptly completed.



As I made the beds this morning, a blog post I read on Wednesday came to mind. The author talks about having to say no to her teenagers because she is looking forward into their lives and making decisions not only for their immediate self, but also for their ultimate self - the person they will become. I was thinking about it Wednesday night when I realized that it was crucial to reinforce the "No," rather than to allow my child to use intimidation to pressure me.

Suddenly it occurred to me that it is not really age that gives wisdom. It is experience acquired with age, and the ability to learn along the way. I have all of these other children to teach me how to handle difficult moments and learn how to strengthen my resolve so that when my delightful little miss strong-willed is a teenager, I will have the wisdom to know how to parent her.

Maybe God knew what he was doing after all...

P.S. It occurred to me that this story could be misunderstood as a complaint. It is not. My strong willed five-year-old is completely delightful, the chore was completed promptly, and my child was vying for more time at CHURCH! I just know the temptation that we bloggers often have to portray ourselves in a better light than what is true. Our children are not perfect. Our parenting skills are not better than those of everyone else. We are all in the fray together. I just wanted to show how true this really is.

Tiny Boy stood perched on the top rung of a ladder that led down into 10-15 foot deep water.


 We had walked out to the end of a pier which is little more that a long pile of huge rocks with a giant's vegetable can - sans the wrapper, and now filled with giant size rocks - at the end. The older children were jumping from the pier into the newly dredged channel below. Only a week earlier we had been able to walk all the way around the end of the pier in knee deep water.


 Now Tiny Boy wanted to climb down into the water with everyone else. My heart skipped several beats as he neared the edge, swung his legs around and started to descend. I held onto his puddle jumper life jacket the whole time. He tried to lower himself to the next rung but could not. I was still clinging so tightly to him and he could go no further.

"Let go, Mom." he said.

I let go, but in my heart I was screaming, "I can't!"

He climbed up and down the ladder several more times as I watched, my heart needing a pacemaker the whole time.

I have always found it difficult to let go of my children. I am that mother who cries every time I send a tiny child off to school. (Number five starts this fall. She is ready. Mom is NOT ready.) In the past two years, both sets of grandparents have taken the older kids on vacations to fun places like Disney World and the Grand Canyon. I have let them go, but prayed for their safe return the whole time.

I know what you are thinking.

Yes. I am the mother who wrote about putting the lives of my children into God's hands and accepting the days allotted to them. Yet, KNOWING that I have placed their lives in God's hands and DOING the work of letting go, often feels very contradictory.


As I read this familiar passage of scripture yesterday morning, I felt the Lord reminding me that God is the protector of my children, and all of the worrying in the world will accomplish nothing.

So, my husband said the other day, "When are you going to schedule the driving test so Josiah can get his driver's license?"

"Never." I wanted to say, "Because then he will think that he should be allowed to drive WITHOUT one of us in the car!"

But instead I said, "I will do it this week."

"Jesus' Birthday is coming, and Santa's gonna bring me presents!" my sweet three year old boy announced with his hands clasped in excitement and a twinkle in his eye. He was sitting at the table while I prepared dinner and listened to my Jesus-Christmas music. One of my children's favorites started playing and it reminded him:



He has been watching for each birthday this year - ever since he learned which sticker was his on the calendar.

Jesus has a Birthday sticker too.

Christmas has been an odd kind of balancing act for me ever since I became a mother with children old enough to care. My husband has wonderful childhood memories of anticipating the arrival of Santa Claus. His parents took special care to make it exciting for the children, even going up on the roof and making noise. He loved that and wants his own children to have the same experiences.

I was raised differently. We talked about Santa Claus - but only as a story, a fairytale, an idea. Not as an actual person. While my siblings and I eagerly anticipated presents, my parents were intent on not allowing Christmas to make us narcissistic. We spent several Christmases at a homeless shelter serving dinner to those who came in off the street.

Tiny Boy's comment exemplifies the odd combination of traditions that we have in our home. Our children will set out cookies and milk. One might even write a note to Santa. On Christmas morning they open their presents - usually three gifts because that is how many birthday presents that Jesus recieved. On Christmas day, we will have Birthday cake and sing Happy Birthday to Jesus.

There is just one problem. I refuse to lie to my children.

And they know it.

Every so often they will corner me when my husband is not around for me to pass off the conversation to him. They want to know the usual questions:  Is Santa real? How does it all work?

I struggle desperately with these questions because I want to respect my husband's traditions but I also fear that my children may lump God into the category of mythological creatures when they are old enough to learn the truth (as many children have done before). Sometimes I dodge the questions. Often I change the subject and put it right back on Jesus-is-the-reason-for-the-season topics.

One benefit of all of this is that it makes me more diligent to pour truth into their lives. Intentionally.

They cornered me again the other day but this time my eight year old would not allow the subject to get off-point. Finally I blurted out, "Do you want to know what I don't like about Santa Claus?"

Of course they wanted to know.

"Santa Claus is a counterfeit for God!" I said.

I started to sing.
"You'd better watch out, you'd better not cry, you'd better not pout -
I'm telling you why: Santa Claus is coming to town.
He's making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who's naughty or nice.
Santa Claus is coming to town.
He sees you when you're sleeping.
He knows when you're awake.
He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!"


 I began to explain how Satan loves to make counterfeits - something that looks almost exactly like the real thing. I pointed out the God-like qualities attributed to Santa: omniscience (knows everything), omnipresence (everywhere at once).

There is a HUGE difference, though. Santa only gives gifts to those who earn them by good behavior. God gives to people who do NOT deserve it!

The Bible says:

But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior. Titus 3:4-6

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast. Eph 2:8-9

  I explained that one of the best distractions that Satan has is to keep us busy trying to earn our salvation instead of accepting it as a free gift.   At the biggest time of year for gift-giving, it is best to remember that the greatest and most unsurpassable gift that was ever given was a tiny Saviour, wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger. This gift cost God everything, but it cost us nothing.   Whatever traditions you may have, remember this: CHRISTmas is for YOU!
 

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Sometimes I wonder how my life started to look like this:

Wake up at 6:00 Monday morning pressed between my husband and a small child.
He has a child on his other side, too.
Get dressed. The first daycare child arrives early.
Spend a few minutes with the Lord.
Get teenager up.
Wake up two little children and put them in carseats.
Drive teenager to driver's ed on the other side of the county.
Arrive home 45 minutes later.
Wake up the rest of the children and feed them breakfast.
Other daycare child arrives.
Make beds. Put in a load of laundry.
Pick up teenager from driver's ed. Another 45 minutes.
Take too long getting ready to go to the beach.
Go to the beach for a little while.
Come home and make lunch.
Clean up kitchen, put away toys.
Put the kids down for a nap. Write for a little while they are resting.
Wake kids up for afternoon snack.
Feed the kids boiled eggs and toast to tide them over until "real" supper.
Daycare kids are picked up.
Husband comes home from work.
Go to the beach (with Daddy this time) to cool the kids down before bed because it's too hot to sleep.
Come home and make supper.
Wash dishes.
Hubby goes to bed. Two little ones climb into my spot.
Send the older kids off to bed - it's already 10:30
Check to see if the babies are asleep enough to move them to their own beds. Nope.
Pick up random laundry scattered around the house.
Take a moment to switch the laundry and put in a last-of-the-day, long-running cycle load.
Pray for the older kids who are now in their beds.
Go back upstairs to the kitchen and re-wash the table after a child who is in the process of learning.
Set the coffee maker to come on in the morning.
Sweep up the egg shells that are still on the floor from the afternoon.
Check to see if the babies are asleep yet. Not quite.
Turn off all of the lights, lock the doors.
Take a shower.
Move the now-sleeping babies to their own beds. How long with they stay there?
Ease into bed quietly to avoid waking hubby.
It is now midnight.

The sad thing is, most of my days go something like this, usually exchanging driver's ed drop-offs with my physical therapy exercises and trips to the beach with storytime or a nature walk. Most days there are many loads of laundry.


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I suppose that I never guessed what motherhood truly entailed when I "signed up" for it. I don't think I realized that I was forfeiting all personal privacy and that my children would riffle through my personal belongings, play in my jewelry box, come into the bathroom with me, and rummage through my neatly lined up collection of lovely shoes (which I rarely get to wear) so that they can thump around the house in them.

I've read books and I've even watched Super Nanny, so I know how to get children to go to bed on their own and sleep through the night, but I cannot manage to get my own two little ones to go to bed on their own and sleep through the night!

My husband says that it is just a passing moment and that I should not try to rush through their need to cuddle - some day they won't want to anymore. Besides, four of them do sleep through the night.

In their own beds.

*Sigh*

I know.

I've been finding myself becoming nostalgic lately when I see my last little child doing something somewhat babyish and I know that soon he will be a big boy and won't want to help with everything I do,

or run that sweet toddler-waddle kind of run, 

or give kisses.

I was watching my tall first-born walking hand-in-hand with my tiny last-born yesterday and thinking about when he was tiny, too.

 It wasn't that long ago!



Sometimes my husband likes to listen to country music when we are driving. The other day this song came on the radio. It brought tears to my eyes.

I've been reading Ann Voscamp's book One thousand Giflts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are. She talks about how each and every moment of our lives are full of precious tiny gifts - even the hard moments - we just have to take time to notice and collect them!

I am slowly learning how to do this. To savor ALL of the moments, even the hard ones. Moments that I would want back if they were suddenly gone.

Or eventually gone.

Which they will be.

Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit"; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that." James 4:13-15

I have been cherishing these busy days mostly in retrospect, but I want to be more intentional about my moments and cherish the gifts as they come - rather than trying to remember them later - because of what all of these small moments represent:  a whole life devoted to God and my family. Love. And a  legacy for eternity in my children.

And do this, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep; for now our salvation is nearer than when we first believed. The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light. Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts. Romans 13:11-14

...Who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began. 2 Timothy 1:9



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Today's forecast was in the mid-to-high 90s - rather warm for Northern Michigan - so I decided to take the kids to the beach. By myself.  It should not be a big project since we live only three miles from the shores of Lake Michigan, but somehow it turned out to be a bigger project than I had bargained for.

I had a couple of hours between my teenager's to driver's ed and lunch/nap time (an inflexible part of the daily schedule).  We nearly missed this window of opportunity  altogether - it took so long to get ready! I could not find one child's bathing suit since it was still in a bag from a previous beach visit. Another child put on someone else's suit and had to change. The teenagers decided that they were bored with the beach and did not want to go at all. (I know. They are totally spoiled by our wonderful location and do not even realize how incredibly blessed they are!)


the beach by our house

Finally we got the four pre-schoolers and two bigger girls buckled, then stopped and picked up a neighbor girl on the way. When we got to the beach, we decided to set up camp near a little creek a short walk away, but the little ones did not care for the walk. When we arrived, we discovered that the creek had dried up. As I spread the blanket, the little children started to go into the water - fully clothed and sans sunscreen and life jackets (my requirement when I am the only eyes on them).

While I hurried to corral, change and lotion the little ones, the older girls began bickering over who would get to use the surfboard first. My hair was standing on end like a tense cat.

I said the most spiritual thing that I could think of at the moment:
"It will be a cold day in hell before I do THIS again!"

Soon things began to settle. The tinies splashed at the water's edge and rearrange the sand. The girls settled their quarrel on their own and shared the surfboard. I sat down on the blanket and watched them for a while. They were playing so well that I read a few pages of All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. I don't believe that the author is a Christian, but the book was amusing and it gave me a chuckle.

The tinies had ventured in up to their tummies and were splashing around with some little speed boats. I waded over to them.

The sun shone through the ripples of the shallow water making a pattern on the bottom of the Lake like a chain-link fence made of pure gold. I faced the wind and took a deep breath, soaking up the calm. I often feel an amazing sense of  awe here. Like the polar extremes of God butted up against each other - the power of a mighty body of water, along with beauty and serenity.



the same beach near our house

 I feel Him in the wind.

Peace and power.

The trip had turned out better than it started and I thought, "Isn't it just like God...?"

I could not help but muse over the ways in which we resolve never to do something again - only to have the recollection of it's difficulties erased from memory and we discover that the desire to do it again returns.

Like giving birth.

Or like those little old ladies at the gocery store who say that they loved every minute of motherhood. I think that what they really mean is that they have forgotten the bad, and only the good memories remain.

And it IS just like God!


Joseph could forget his hard life.

"Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh: "For God has made me forget all my toil and all my father's house." Genesis 41:51

Job could forget his tragedy.

"Because you would forget your misery, And remember it as waters that have passed away, And your life would be brighter than noonday. Though you were dark, you would be like the morning. And you would be secure, because there is hope; Yes, you would dig around you, and take your rest in safety. Job 11:16-18

And Isreal would not always remember their suffering.

"Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; For you will forget the shame of your youth, And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore." Isaiah 54:4

"Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing [I do], forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philipians 3:12-14 NKJV (emphasis added)

In light of this?

You'll probably find me flying solo at the beach with a whole pack of kids again. But not this week - I have not yet forgotten...

Not long ago, my little girl got a new book.

Little Pig Biddle Pig

Little pig, biddle pig, pretty and clean,

sweet as alfalfa and grand as a queen.

Little pig, biddle pig, not far away,

those pigglily piglets squeal, "Won't you come play."

Little pig, biddle pig, snout in the air-

too fine to behave like the swine over there!

They may look content; still, it isn't for you

to romp in the muck like those piggily pigs do.

Yes, biddle pig, you're the prettiest one.

But those wiggily wallowers pig all the fun.

Are you happy just sulking all day on your own?

Is it worth staying pretty and being alone?

Run, piggy run - do a nose dive and flop,

belly down, into the glorious slop!

Little pig, biddle pig, splashing with glee -

as happy as any small piglet could be.

Dancing for joy in the slippery crowd,

with your wiggily friends, ever piggily, and proud.

by David Kirk

Hmmm.
It has been a while since any book, much less a little poem for children, got my mind in such a tizzy!

On the surface, of course, this is simply a story that says it's more fun to splash in mud puddles than to sit with your hands folded in your lap.

Why does this book bother me so much? I kept wondering.
Preferring to be different than everyone else does not make someone stuck up. If a person chooses to be different wouldn't they be confident about it, not sulking and pouting?
This book remained in the back of my mind and came forward to roll around when I was doing mundane chores.

I have been reading the book of Ephesians, and one morning I read this:

"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children... But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or course joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person - such a man is an idolator - has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one decieve you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret....Be careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is..." from Ephesians 5

...and I realized what was bothering me so much. It's that LIE again!

In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis quotes a schoolboy who was asked what God is like. The boy replied, "The sort of person who is always snooping around to see if anyone is enjoying himself, and then trying to stop it."

It is one of Satan's most accepted and widely believed lies: That God's "rules" are intended to steal our fun!

It is extremely important to understand this concept if you want to have a correct perception and relationship with God! All you have to do is go back to scripture to see the truth. If you read:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

OR

"My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in." Proverbs 3:11-12

...you are less likely to believe this lie. The more you read, the more you will come to understand that God gives us boundaries to free us from the negative (and sometimes terrible) consequenses of sin.

For example: One of the lies that is most widely believed (or "rules" that is most widely ignored) is abstinence before marriage, yet studies continue to show how this negatively affects individuals, couples, and families - long after the sin has taken place. The consequenses are numerous, and often perpetuate sin (as in the connection between un-wed pregnancy and abortion). They can be as serious as sexually transmitted diseases like AIDS, or as "small" as affecting the ability to connect intimately in marriage.

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When a child has a fenced yard, they are able to play freely - regardless of any dangers nearby such as a lake or a busy street. Cars may be whizzing by only a few feet away, yet the children will play right up to the fence because they know that it represents safety.

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 The converse is also true. If there is no boundary to keep them safe, the whizzing cars will frighten them (and their mother!) and they will huddle close to the house or only play on the porch.

This is a concept that our Father/Creator understood! He gave us rules to give us the freedom to enjoy life to the full!

"The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." John 10:10

This "thief" is also the father of the lies.

"...the devil...was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him.  When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." John 8:44

Ever since the very first lie to Adam and Eve, when he sets out to convince us that God wants to ruin our fun, he has an ulteriour motive: to destroy us.

"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8

When he comes to us with these lies, he is not looking out for us! He has no interest in whether or not we are having fun! His one and only purpose in luring us into enjoying the "pleasures of sin for a season" is to so distract us from God that we will not be drawn to Him and turn from our sin.

"The LORD has appeared of old to me, [saying]: "Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you [to Me]." Jeremiah 31:3

Satan understands our "free-will" and that we must choose God in this life to give us an inheritance in eternal life. But his goal is take as many souls to hell with himself as possible. And he will do it by any means and by any lie.


Why, then, do we so readily believe the lie?
Because we are not taking up the SWORD! The Word of God.
When you know the truth, it is easy to spot a lie!

I found it interesting to learn that bankers are required to study, handle and memorize money in order to spot counterfeits instead of veiwing various types of bad money that has been discovered. It is understood that it's best for the tellers to be so familiar with what is right that when something wrong comes into their hands, they will instinctively know that it is bad. It won't feel right. It won't seem right. Their senses will be so fine-tuned to the truth that they can easily spot a lie.

How can I, as a parent, put up these kinds of "fences" in my child's life?

1. Teach them the Word of God. There is no substitute for knowing the truth besides KNOWING THE TRUTH! The key word here is consistency. Notice I did not say legalistically. Nothing throws cold water on the embers of a relationship like guilt. The Word of God is compelling. Relevant. Interesting. Don't allow it to be a tiresome chore. Your attitude toward it will set the bar for what their attitude will be.

 Shoot at the goal of having a regular Bible time with your children - however it fits into your schedule, in whatever format works best. Something will always be better than Nothing in this case.

2. TALK to your kids calmly and rationally about WHY God gives us "Fences" (and why YOU enforce these boundaries). This will accomplish two different things: First, it will show them that these are not a bunch of rules that you made up about your own pet pieves and annoyances - these are God's laws for every person of every age. It makes them aware that each and every one of us is accountable to God - even children and teenagers.

Secondly, if given good reasons, most young people will want to make a good choice. My mom believed this, so it was not uncommon for her to share a medical fact, statistic, or news worthy article on any topic that proved why obeying God was a better choice. It is not uncommon to find me doing the exact same thing! We did not always make the right choices  but I will say that many times information was the key to helping me do what was right. The story is not yet written on my own children, but I hope that in the future they will be able to say the same thing. (Disclaimer: I am not a perfect mother. Sometimes I am not even a good mother! I am still on this journey, too, and hoping and praying for my children just as much as you are!)

3. Ask your child to describe what they want their life to look like in 10 years, 20 years 30 years. What kind of family? What kind of marriage? What kind of Job? A ministry? Help them to plan the path they want to take.

Our lives add up to an accumulation of small choices. No one ever wakes up one morning and says "I want to be a drug addict...a homeless person...get pregnant before marriage... have an affair that will tear my family apart..." If you are living hap-hazardly, making each choice as it comes your way, living moment to moment, these things are a possible outcome of that lifestyle.

This is what happens when we fail to look into the future while we are still young and choose the outcome that we want for our life so that we can take the necessary steps to accomplish that goal. If you help your child to do this, when a temptation to step off of the path arrises, you can gently remind them to look at their goal and see if that choice fits into the picture that they have for their life or not.

It would not hurt to do this every few years all through life. Ask your SELF: What new goals should I make this year? What steps should I take to accomplish my goals for my life...job...marriage...ministry?

4. Lastly, (but by no means least!)

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." Ephesians 6:10-18

My mom with my three youngest children (taken 2 years ago).

Ever since I was a child, my mother tried to teach us to see other people through the eyes of God. If we saw someone with a disability, she saw an opportunity to tell us that each and every one of us are a special creation, equally loved and cherished by God. She taught us that EVERYONE was valuable - from an unborn baby, to an annoying kid down the block.

The older I get (or more likely, the longer I walk with the Lord), I find that it becomes more and more easy to see the value in people without having to look hard to see it. That's why I meet fantastic women everywhere! At school, playgroup, church, even the grocery store check out line - they are all over the place!

Wonderful working moms and stay-at-home moms; new moms and seasoned moms; structured/organized moms, and fun-on-the-fly moms.

All of my life I have known amazing moms. My grandmothers and aunts. My mother-in-law, sisters-in-law, and my own sisters. My mother's friends who were a good influence when I was a child and who still encourage me even now as Facebook friends. Mothers whom I have taught, and mothers who have taught me. Even a "heart" mother with no children of her own who invested a couple of years into my life as a prayer warrior and mentor.

To my own Mother, and to all of you amazing different kinds of moms out there...


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In other words, the mess.

If you go upstairs, you will find the Grown Up Living room, Dining room and kitchen, the master bedroom and bath, and babies bedroom. This area is usually (more or less) clean.

My  husband likes it that way.

I like it that way!

On occasion I will discover a toy that has sneaked its way into the grown-up area. If it is light weight, bouncy, or small, I will walk to the top of the staircase, reach around the banister and drop said toy into it's designated area because I am too lazy busy to walk it down the stairs and put it away properly.

This has not been a problem until recently.

I handed a toy to a two year old and told him to bring it downstairs. A second later I heard a terrible crashing as it bounced and clattered onto each step, scratching the paint on the walls on its way.

It seems that I have set the example for how to put the toy downstairs!

This scenario has repeated itself a few times since that day, so I have had to make a conscious effort to stop my toy-dropping since the toddlers have no concept of which toys are "droppable" and which ones are not!


Really??

"Children seldom misquote you. They more often repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said." Mae Maloo

The whole idea of being a good example is so hard! If it weren't for that pesky old sin-nature it would be easy. Instead, we constantly struggle to do what is right, to make our children tow that line, and to confess and repent when we don't do what is right ourselves.

I started thinking about this more recently because some of our children have developed a love affair with food and (ahem) it is starting to show. We have had to begin teaching them about moderation - stopping before it becomes sin. This is so hard for me because I, too, love food! Now I have to be careful! How can I say, "No seconds" while I am scooping extra portions onto my plate?


 Sometimes we get it right. My tiny boy says "You're welcome" when it is appropriate to say "thank-you" since saying "thank you" elicits that response! He figured out this politeness all on his own and is following our example and saying what we say.


This week, the we have been memorizing this verse:

"Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12 NKJV

Timothy was a very young man who loved God so much that he wanted to be in full time ministry right from the start, and he apprenticed himself to the Apostle Paul.

I attempted to explain the verse to my children. I told them that sometimes people say things like: "all children are irresponsible," "all teenagers rebel," or "kids will be kids" to excuse sins typical to immaturity. It starts to become an assumption that all children/teens WILL rebel (or they are odd), will be irresponsible (or they are exceptional)... etc.

To be an example means to be "one worthy of imitation." (Webster's Dictionary) That means that we have to be BETTER at something - because you can only show someone how to do something that you already know how to do well.

I thought it noteworthy that  it says "...to the believers..." 

"Wow! That means that we aren't just supposed to be better than the worst people we know, like unbelievers or something, but be an example to the BEST people we know! Other Christians. We should be better than the best in our words (obviously), our conduct (our actions - the things we do), our love (as described in 1 Corinthians 13 - the self-sacrificing kind), our spirit (our ability to persevere with joy through difficult times), our faith (unwavering trust in the Holy God), and our purity.

I reminded them that to be pure means to stay as far away from sin as possible. Not to get as close as possible without actually sinning.

A man needed to hire an new limo driver, but his route included a treacherous stretch through a canyon in which the road pressed up against a cliff wall on one side, and had a sharp drop off on the other. Three people applied for the job and he took them to that stretch of road for part of their interview. "How close do you think you can drive by the edge of the cliff?" he asked. "Well," the first driver replied. "I have been a professional driver for years. I think that I could get within a foot of the cliff."
The same question was asked of the second driver. "I grew up in this area and have driven through this canyon all of my life." was his answer. "I know that I could get within six inches and keep you safe."
Finally it was time for the third interview. Again, the same question. The third driver looked over the edge and watched for a few moments as a pebble dislodged by his shoe fell to the canyon floor. He stepped back and looked at the man incredulously. "I don't know why you would want to get close to that edge!" he replied. "I would rather stay as close to the center line as possible!"
"You're hired!" the Man exclaimed.

Setting a good example may be hard...

     It requires Grace. Lots and lots of Grace.

     It requires that we be more intentional in every aspect of our lives.

     It requires looking to the One Who set us the perfect example -
     our Loving Heavenly Father!

...but it is not impossible!



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She learned that, in the Jewish culture, the mother is the primary teacher of scripture, and she began to feel that she was not relieving my dad of his responsibility, she was simply taking on her own responsibility by doing it.

“But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it [his mother and grandmother!], and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.” 2 Timothy 3:14-15 NIV

Not only that, but she understood how important it was not to neglect that aspect of child rearing. She told me that one of Satan’s most effective tools in preventing this kind of teaching to our children is to keep us so busy fighting over who owns the responsibility that no one ends up doing it!

Since then, I have taken on the "formal" teaching of scripture in our home just as my mother did. My husband’s strong convictions have reinforced what I have tried to teach, both on a spiritual level, and in practical everyday life. I have been able to point out to my children how their dad lives out his faith even though he is not always talking to them about it like I am. And he will occasionally “drive it home” for them better than I ever could. My children will be able to say along with the songwriter, “Daddy was the one who kept me walkin’ the line.” It is working pretty well for us so far...


Bible photo credit
mother blessing sabbath
father correcting son