My Small Life

“I lead a small life.” writes a character in the movie You’ve Got Mail, “Valuable, but small.” I find myself understanding the sentiment and, at the same time, wondering how valuable I am in my small life. Most days I do not feel very valuable.

As I write this, my toddler is behind me on my desk chair with her knees in my back and I am sporting a smear of Spaghetti Os across my chest.

This is already my second shirt for the day – the baby spit up down my front this morning.

I spend my days in the company of children so my time is always fragmented – I rarely have the opportunity to complete anything that I start. I do not accomplish great things, I do laundry – lots and lots of laundry – and then I do all of the same laundry over again! I clean the house and then my children come home from school and it looks like the house has never been cleaned.

Ever.

I used to direct a ministry, teach Sunday school, play the piano in church… Now I rarely have a chance to display any of my talents or be involved in the ministry for which I was trained. Most of the time I feel as though I am under house arrest.

Because of the kind of life I lead, I do not have many friends – there simply is not time to cultivate relationships with people whose socks I don’t wash!

 Sometimes in a private pity party I wonder if anyone would even miss me if I evaporated. There are few people whose lives would truly be affected. My husband can do everything that I can do, but better! And my kids – well, they don’t hear me when I talk anyway… they might not even notice that I was missing! *Wink*

“It is just the stage of life that you are in,” my husband says, “You will be able to do all of those things again.” I know. Some days it just seems such a long way off.

“Your children are a valid ministry right now.” he reminds me.

What a great way of putting my small life into perspective!

My mom sent me an email once called “The Invisible Woman” written by a mom who feels invisible, just as I do. She described how the great cathedrals in Europe are ornate, detailed, beautiful – yet no one knows who built them. She talked about how we build into our children’s lives, and do things that no one ever sees –

Except God.

So I will put in another load of laundry, change my shirt for the third time today, sing “I love you, I think you’re grand, there’s none like you in all the land…”[1] to my little girl for the seventh time today because we do all of our ordinary things “…as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord we will receive the reward… for we serve the Lord Christ.” (Col. 3:23-24)